i drove across the golden gate bridge during rush hour.  heavy but smoothly
flowing traffic and the music playing was so good so loud and i sang along,
scaring the dog but not too worried about it and i found myself playing a
little game and the game was closing my eyes for a second then two seconds
then three seconds but they weren't really seconds, just moments in time and
then i would close my eyes and count as high as i could before i felt like i
had to open them and then i would dare myself to go further and i would and
then i stopped and yelled "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING??" and i laughed out
loud at myself and sang some more and said, again outloud "what is wrong with
you?" but it wasn't a threat, it was just a question.  i didn't have an answer
but the smile never left my face and i said "you're finally really losing it"
and i laughed again.  then i screamed a high pitch scream as loud as i could
and it felt so pure and i don't think it's ever sounded like that before and
i did it again and it felt so good and i said thank you to the universe for
allowing emotions to exist because torment is real and love is real and pain
is real and beauty is real and all i want at all is to be real, also.  and you
have made me real.  you have made me so real.  

i then later i checked to see what that song was called because it was so
good and when i saw i smiled from ear to ear.  the song, it was called
			"She's Lost Control."
and then i realized that wasn't the actual song that was playing, the playlist
order was just messed up.  the song was actually called "Transmission" but
somehow, somehow, she's lost control.