these are two things i told people yesterday:

i got a watermelon the other day.  i was standing outside the
new may wah market on clement street and eric was inside buying 
noodles and i was looking at the fruits out on the
sidewalk and a dyke walked by with a basset hound named butch
and i fell for a watermelon so bought it.  it was $6.  too
much. the flavor wasn't very good though.  it's the middle of
winter.  not watermelon time.  eric also bought a pumelo which 
is like a giant grapefruit. we peeled the pumelo and put the rind on our
foreheads.  it fit perfectly and smelled sweet and almost artificial.
the fruit itself was disappointing; like a dried up grapefruit on steroids.
half of it is still int he fridge, forgotten.

someone posted to craigslist asking for a beanie baby tag protector.  
i told them i had one but it was attached to a koala which lived in the fire 
place.  they were welcome to it if they didn't mind the soot.  when she came 
to pick it up she said "i'm sorry it disgusted you so.  i brought you some 
biscotti."  i declined the biscotti and she drove away.